Everything's Magic....Bitch Please

Ahhhh...finally back on a laptop. It's so much nicer than typing out a post on my phone. Like seriously, can't customize shit on there. Just a plain jane post, not interesting.

Today I have an interesting post for yall. It will be an adventure, one you can't take your eyes off of! (yeah fucking right, we all know that i'm a snooze fest)

Update from last night
So the interview went really well. That's what my fiance said, and honestly I was sweating so bad that I don't remember what I said. I honestly feel like i was all over the place so I'm not sure if it was good or not. Becky did tell me that if I wanted to come back on the show, that I was welcome to at any time. So that's a good sign right?
Not much else really happened last night. I cooked dinner, watched Chicago Med and went to bed. I was a little down but that's because I was overthinking the interview.
This is a little important detail right here that leads into today's story. My fiance asked me last night if I felt under appreciated, which I said no. Now, on the inside I was thinking "Oh this bitch better not about to complain that he doesn't feel appreciated. I am not about to deal with this shit" but thankfully he said nothing.

Let's Get Interesting. Here is My Day
So I had physical training this morning on my knee (Fun fact: I have managed to fuck up my knee from a fall 3 years ago. My outer tendon is inflamed and my knee cap isn't sitting where it should be so it's rubbing the cartilage. Also I have early onset of arthritis in my knee. FUCKING FUN. I'm only 24!). 
Went to work and on my way to work my wonderful fiance (100% truth there. He is fucking amazing and absolutely the most wonderful man I've ever been with. Thus why I'm getting married to him...and because he can put up with my ass) decides to share with me his dream he had last night. We normally share our dreams with each other so I was really excited to hear what he had to say. BRO. He fucking told me he slept with another woman in his dream and you know what my crazy ass did? I got jealous and mad; going on about well your subconscious obviously doesn't want to be with me. I'm not good enough. Yes I'm fully aware that my thought process was a little wacked but it ended up with me starting my work day cranky and not talking to my fiance.

So lunch rolls around. My fiance starts talking about how WE are going to figure out when my manic episodes start and end. Ummm.....you're not in my brain, I don't even realize i'm manic half the time and I'm still learning how manic episodes present themselves. There isn't a fucking WE there. I will figure this out. Then, i don't know how, we get on the subject of valentine's days gift and he says "I just like buying you stuff" which my smart ass responds with "Which you never do anymore". He says "I'm going to start again"......oh man. This poor fucker. With that one sentence he set off a fucking avalanche with me. I went off on him about how I do so much for him and that I don't expect shit and that I don't care if I get appreciated or not. (I promise you i'm not being a fucking bitch. Him and I both agree that I do a lot to help him out because of his job). That he always says he's going to change or do something then never follows through etc.etc.etc. Typical relationship shit in my opinion. BUT the best part? Since the increase of my lamictal, my emotions haven't been so intense. Normally with a situation like this it was like getting hit with a tidal wave of anger. Instead it was a little poke just letting me know that i am angry. It honestly is AMAZING. I'm so happy with this increase, now I just got to work on not flying off the handle on the poor guy and actually communicating on the little things instead of just stuffing it down, down, down, till it fucking explodes.

On a side note I am excited to announce that we are expecting!
A CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You guys. I have been waiting 13 years to have a cat of my own again.
This is Valentine and we get to meet this cute adorable kitten on Monday! My therapist has recommended an emotional support animal for me, so my lovely fiance had a coworker who was fostering and she just sent us pictures of the kittens she had and we both fell in love with her. She's gorgeous and I can't wait to meet her. My fingers are crossed that I feel a connection with her and that she is the one <3

I will keep you updated on the kitten!

Same time, same place tomorrow you guys.

Keep Weavin Thru Life
xoxo Brit


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