When it Started (this is boring so skip it)

Elementary School

 Looking back the earliest thing I can remember as a "mood swing" is around 1st grade. I had a really close friend as we were walking home I remember yelling at her and basically being a bitch at her because my day had gone wrong. I think in the back of my mind I knew it was wrong but that didn't stop me. Now you might think I was being a shit but I can always remember having  a bit of a temper growing up. It doesn't excuse my actions at all though.

Now normally we all experience bullies at some point in our life and it ends at some point. Not for me, it didn't stop until high school was over but then it transitioned into manipulative friends and unhealthy relationships.
The first bully I really encountered was in second grade. It was the group of friends I was in and for some stupid reason we made a game out of who was in and who was out. Well I bet you can guess that I spent most of the time as the "out" person. I mean, I don't blame them. I had glasses and curly hair that I didn't know how to style so I looked the part. I can tell you a lot of recess' were spent crying under the jungle gym.
It didn't stop there.
Third grade came along and not only was I picked on by the smartest girl in class (I was a smart kid but still) I also had to endure the jokes and being made fun of because my last name was the same as the gym teachers.
Fourth grade was when I started getting picked on by everyone. Looking back, I was just the unique (aka weird) kid with glasses and big ass hair. They basically made a game out of what I would eat and I would get money out of it
(hey, quarters got you stuff out of the vending machines and I wasn't scared to try food) but needless to say it then became a big joke.
Fifth grade was the year that was hell. I somehow, out of everyone, was picked to be "best friends" with all the popular girls on one stipulation: doing their homework. Did I do it? Oh you bet your ass I did. All I wanted to do was fit in, to finally be someone that wasn't picked on, to just be a person. The reason they picked me is cause I got A's on everything. Obviously when I did their homework I would mess up here and there so they weren't perfect. It took me almost the entire school year to finally say "enough is enough". I got hell for it and they were straight up bitches to me. I was a joke to them even though I thought they were my friends. I got invited to things just to be made fun of. I learned my lesson.
Sixth grade....okay are you as fucking bored as I am? Like I think we both have an understanding that my school life was shit. I was bullied. I never stood up for myself. I was the weird quiet kid. I didn't have a good home life. (I'm not going to expand on that, some things I do want private).

I am not going to continue to bore you with all the hell I endured. I lost friends, got new ones, got bullied, lost friends and repeat. I was in mentally manipulative friendships, I was used, I was made to look a fool.

I will share this though. It's actually really fucking sad in my opinion.
My parents got divorced during sophomore year of high school. I was depressed and withdrew from everyone. I basically lost all my friends because I stopped talking and no one wanted to talk to me. I ended up moving that summer to Nebraska and in August (when Texas kids go back to school) I got a message on Facebook from one of the band moms in TEXAS. I was in NEBRASKA. And guess what she was asking about? If I wanted a band shirt for our flute section. That's right. NO ONE KNEW I WAS IN NEBRASKA OR EVEN NOTICED. How fucked is that?

Okay, I'm honestly done with this post. It's a bit redundant and I don't feel the need to really retype it all and make it beautiful for you guys to read. It's the raw truth. And the best part is? I haven't even gotten to when shit really hit the fan in 8th grade but that's for another post.

 

Keep Weavin Thru Life
xoxo Brit

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